I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
