i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
