I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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