You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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