Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
