C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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