Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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