I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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