after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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