i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
