We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
