Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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