just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
