help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
