just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
