how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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