I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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