I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
