Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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