I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
