Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
