Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
