Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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