idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
