i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
