I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
