Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
