He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
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