Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
