I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
