I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Panties = found
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
