Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
