you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I need moral support for this bender
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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