he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
