did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
