i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
