Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
