I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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