he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
