I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
