just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
