Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
