i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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