oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Randomize
