I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
