I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
