We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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