I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Randomize
