I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
