i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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